Sunday, December 19, 2010

Resolve

It is amazing that we are already at the end of another year. Time passes so quickly yet there is so much I want to do. One of the things that have been on my heart this past year is drawing closer to my family over the coarse of this coming year.
I find myself doing so many other things that are good yet at the root they pull me away from my family, they steal time away from my daughters, they drain my energy level to the point that during the late evening there is nothing left of me to give and most of all they separate me even further from tenderness with my wife. This seems to be a cycle that I have been in over the past years and it is time for me to get off the childlike merry go round.
I am not looking for a New Years Resolution. I am not looking for some quick change rapid fix thing in order to make me feel better about me being me. In times past I have made these resolutions simply because of two things. One, I was bored with my life and wanted to do something different and Two, everyone else around me was doing it.
I am looking for a way to be different, to act different and to produce different fruit in my life. In 2011 I will see results with my family being more connected but even more, my heart will be healed and changed in the area that it has been sick in.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Being Buisy

Since October we have been installing lighting on homes and buisnesses. My hours had slowly increased more and more then pecked at Thanksgiving. It seems that several of the important things to me have fallen behind and blogging is one of them. I Had my first saturday that I did not have to work all day and it fealt great.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thankfulness

In this Holiday Season so many people exspress their thankfullness and gratitued only based out of the Holiday Season. I want to exspress my thankfullness beyond the boundaries of that. I want to dive to deeper depths and tell you that I am thankfull for people who speak truth into my life rather than giving me false lip service. I want to thank people who stick with me when the times of my life have gotten really rough. I want to thank people who have stayed with me when I have made mistakes and sometimes made them multiple times. I am thankful for God bringing me to the point in relationships where I can be open, honest and transparent. Being this to others has helped me step into true frendships and relationships. I consider relationships to be the most valueable thing I have.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

A Moment In Time

Throughout my life I see specific turning points of events which had crucial pivotal impacts on all of my life. We often think that small things do not matter, it is the large things you need to worry about.
A bible verse states that the small foxes spoil the vine. A vineyard can be destroyed easily by small harmless foxes when the grapes are tender on the vine.
Here is were the small foxes of my life started
one lie
one theft
one day of skipped school
one night of sneaking out of my window
one cigarette
one drink
first party
one hit of pot
one kiss which lead to a sexual encounter
one snort which lead to hard core drug usage
one dollar made from drug sales
All of this played into my moment in time.
On October 28, 1994 it was 10:02 and I had just finished breakfast. I thought I heard something outside so I went to look around. I did not see anything but heard this thumping noise behind me when I turned around there was a black assault helicopter with gun racks on either side hovering over the roof line of my house. There were two pilots and the one on the right side smiled at me then waved. I remember thing what a strange sight this was and that they were obviously lost. I heard something behind me again so turned around. I was shocked to see a swarm of FBI, DEA, Drug Task Force, Police, Sheriff, and even Narks that I spoke with regularly. They were all there to visit me, and it was not friendly. There was so much movement, so much yelling. It was like a blur of noise and activity, I was seriously discombobulated.
On this cool morning I was thrown to the ground on a gravel chat driveway with over 30 guns pointed at me. I was laying there on my stomach then started coughing because they had dropped my paper work of charges in front of me. I remember saying to myself, "That is as think as my Dads baptist study bible." Then I heard someone say, " We got you, you son of a bitch. Now, finally we can go back to having a life with our families since we will not be chasing you all over the country." Then a different voice said, " You have the right to remain silent, you have the right..." that was all I heard because I had already began another conversation.
This was a conversation with a man I had judged for years and whom I had ran from since I was 11 years old. I began to tell Him that I had really messed up my life and this time I did not see anyway to fix it. I then was taken back to 7 years old when I was in vacation bible school and I remembered hearing about giving my heart to Him and He would accept me just like I was and where I was.
So one that cool morning laying in the gravel with my hands cuffed behind my back while being read my rights, I was reading my rights to Jesus and giving my life to him. I felt Him come into my heart, I felt His presence in me for the first time in my life. I somehow knew that I was going to be ok. I had an inner peace along with feeling loved. For the first time in many years I did not hurt on the inside and this felt really good, especially since I was not high on drugs.
This is one of the greatest life changing moments in my life.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

What Have I Stood For?

I feel it is important for you to see behind me before you see me were I am today. Everything about yesterday has shaped me to be who I am today.

Most of my life I have lived as a want to be. I wanted to be someone famous, wanted to be someone important, wanted to be someone who was needed and valuable. Since this never unfolded in my life I dreamed it up inside so that I could live a self fulfilled fantasy of importance.

My life was laced with compromise, and stitched with performance. I kept myself closed off from others who would confront and complicate my life. I had the perfect fantasy life mapped out in my mind but struggled to live this type of life in a world of reality. I worked so hard to earn the approval of others and to be seen as productive person. All of this effort was channeled in such a way as to try to earn self worth in order to cover my cracked self esteem.

Today God has done such a work in me through Jesus. I have received the reality of the unconditional love and acceptance of the plan of my Father. I have died to guilt and condemnation that comes from trying to fullfill the law and be good enough for God. I have learned to rest in the work that God finished before the foundations of the world were complete. Because of where I am today I can now tell you what I stand for.

I stand for compassion in action for human life not the sidelines of sympathy.
I stand for the truth of God being felt and experienced not merely heard as head knowledge.
I stand for not teaching anything that I do not live myself.
I stand for personal life changing encounters with the living God.
I stand for the value of relationships which are lived out of honesty, truth, openness and vulnerability.
I stand for making wrongs right in love rather than digging wholes to cover the past.
I stand for Family unity.
I stand for living a transparent life everywhere, everyday and in every way.
I stand for one who hates to see others abused, miss used and taken advantage of.
I stand for one who does not like the side lines of life, I love to be in the middle of what God is doing in everyday life.
I stand for living your life in such a way as to know that others lives have been different because they encountered you.
I stand for roots of peoples lives being dealt with not the symptoms of problems.
I stand for one who loves to see who God created me to be through His Word and living it our in everyday life.
I stand for making the most of today because today may be the last day you have.
I stand for living a life with no regrets.
I stand for living a life that is drama free not problem free.
I stand for living life in such a way as to run towards the giants of life rather than away from them.
I stand for one who is aware that everything that I need in life has been given to me through God in Christ who lives in my heart.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

House Cleaning Dream

On Thursday October 28th I had another dream. It is a part two to the Down Hill Dream and is as follows:
I was in this house that had been destroyed by fire but was still standing. I was walking through it looking at the damage then went into this trophy / study room. The shelves were still in place from floor to ceiling, there were a lot of shelves in this room and they were filled with artifacts and things. Some could be identified but most could not. However, there was one thing that stood out to me as my eyes roamed over the burned remains. There was a snake that was on a shelf about waist high and it was particaly coiled up in the diameter size of a frisbee yet its head was raised up about 12 inches like a cobra would before it strikes its victim. It had its mouth open like it was going to strike but it almost looked more like a sneer, there were no fangs or teeth that I could see. He was preserved remarkably well, all his scales, markings, eyes and tongue were life like. He looked life like yet frozen, the really strange thing is that I felt like I knew this snake or that I had been in its presence before. It was almost like something had happened that ended his life quickly with out decay or maybe he had been preserved by one of the best taxidermist in the world. After seeing the graphic details of the snake I woke up. I was not afraid, worried or alarmed, I was just a little puzzled about what this all meant. After waking up I asked the HS what this all meant and he said that in the fire that occurred which was not obviously over everything had been destroyed and that it was time to clean everything out so that rebuilding could began. He said nothing the house of my heart was worth saving and He would rebuild it Himself. I asked Him about the snake and what that meant. He said that Satan was next to me and wanted to strike me but could not figure out how because he had no teeth to inject venom and I would not run off in fear so we were at a stand still next to each other. It is interesting that his only weapon was to intimidate me to run off and since I refused to be intimidated he could do nothing even thought he was right next to me.
I shared this with one of my close friends and he said it sounded like a pyroclastic cloud had hit the house.
Not ever hearing of this word caused me to go look it up. Here is the meaning:
Pyro - meaning intense fire or heat
Clastic - to be broken into pieces, rocks of pre existing matter, matter that is separated
So here is the interpretation of the dream that the Lord gave me.
He came to me in the night and in a cloud of His heat and fire of His love He caused everything in my heart to be burned, The rocks that I once stood on as foundations in my heart were now broken. I was unharmed by the intense heat and fire much like the Hebrew boys in the furnace of fire but the snake was instantly preserved like living things are when they are hit by a pyroclastic flow or cloud. I was spared but everything else was destroyed.

Down Hill Dream

In August of 2009 on a Tuesday morning I woke up in the middle of the night with the following dream on my heart in full color:
I was in a God's Care truck at the top of this big hill and the truck was facing with its back towards the downward part of the hill. I was sitting in the middle and the driver got out and walked around to the front. He had left it running and in drive. Everything seemed to be ok until it started rolling backwards down the hill so I placed my left foot on the gas and the tires began to spin but the truck slowly kept going down the hill backwards. When I realized that was not working I put my left foot on the brake and held it but the truck continued to slide slowly down the hill backwards.
As I slid down the hill I did not have any anxiety nor fear, I never thought of moving over behind the drivers wheel to try to better control it. I was thinking to myself, i am going to just ride this out until I get to the bottom. It seemed like forever sliding down the hill because the truck was sliding slowly, it was not picking up speed and was not out of control. Finaly we hit an embankment at the bottom of the hill and there was a very hard jar as we hit, then the front of the truck lifted up so that I was pointed upwards toward the sky like a rocket. I stayed like this for a minute or two then the truck began to slowly tip backwards and rolled back into this small river at the bottom. The truck then began to sink so I climbed out and swam to the embankment and sat there watching my truck and all its equipment sink. It sank slowly also just like me coming down the hill but I sat there watching this with no fear, no anger, no anxiety, and no worries. The last thing I thought before waking up was, "Ok, the equipment I used to stay in business and provide for my family is gone, what will I do now God."

Over the past year my personal life, family life and business and ministry life has been sliding downhill slowly. Things have been coming unraveled, things breaking and blowing up for no reason. There was a point and time where I had no employees, and no equipment but one small mower and one edger. I was on this large property that it normally took us 30 minutes to service and now it was taking me almost 5 hours by myself thinking what is next. I was not hearing the voice of my Dad but I fealt this overshadowing peace that everything was alright. I wanted to jump out of the situation but rememberd my dream, stay in the truck and ride this out with God. He is with you and has a plan for you in this. After consulting with a friend one day they suggested to me to ask God what is next since everything has sunk.

My Story

Most of my life has been lived laced with the threads of fear and performance. I trusted these threads would keep me together. I felt that if just one broke loose I would come undone. On the outside I looked colorful and put together but on the inside I was a mess. Jesus says not to put a new patch over a tear in a garment or else it will break loose. I have been repeatedly repairing the same tear for over 35 years until two and half years ago. Jesus revealed my heart to me. I began to see dark, ugly, sick roots filled with poison that were rooted deep in my heart. I asked Him to heal me and He has. I am living our of love not fear, I am learning to be open, honest, and transparent in all my relationships. I have entered a place of rest in my heart. I realize that I am accepted just as I am. I can not be good enough nor do enough to be good. I am good with God because He made me good. I am so free from feeling like I have to perform for love and acceptance and this releases me into a place of rest.
Thank You Jesus for my story.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Testing & Trials

I think of how many times the following scripture has been used in our own lives as well as to help give order and meaning to someones life. Two primary things stand out in this passage that many of us focus on when it pertains to crisis, pain, bad choices, bad luck, discipline or whatever else you want to call it, I would like to call this, just LIFE!
1 Co 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
1. We Try To Escape It
We somehow translate the fact that we will not be tempted beyond what we can handle and mix it up with the thought that He does not want us to go thought anything hurtful. We try to avoid pain because it connects us with out own brokenness that we have not allowed to be healed in our own life. So rather than allowing God to heal us, we try to use Him in order to get out of uncomfortable situations so we do not have to deal with our own issues. The very heart of God is connect with you in the depth of your heart so you can have a real relationship based out of love and truth with Him.

2. We Pitch A Tent Live In It

We bear up under it in order to go through it then begin to live in it and slowly allow it to become our identity. Many of us have spent our 40 plus years in the wilderness for no reason. We hold onto pain and memories from years in the past, we live in what could have and should have been but the reality is that the past is in the past. Many of us have adopted a martar mentality style of living while justifying it in the fact that we are called to suffer in this life just like Christ did. We somehow think that Jesus was always sad, hurting, and suffering but fail to see that he played, laughed, and loved. The root of this mentality is that we think if we do enough for Him or suffer enough for Him then we will be accepted by Him.
I am thinking of a passage that says it is not by our works but by His work on the cross that made us accepted and forgiven.

I would like to purpose a third primary thing in this for you to think about.

3. Go Through It
The passage says that everything common to man will come our way because we are human but He is faithful, He is watchful, He is all knowing, He is all seeing and He is working everything out in your life for your good.
Well if God is good then why do I have to suffer?
I do not know.
But from my most recent season in the wilderness of pain and suffering which I went into 12 months ago it was not because of something I did or did not do. Not everyone deserves what they are going through in life, just food for thought.
Abraham was told to take his promise son to the top of a mountain to kill him. Did God want him dead? Or was God wanting Abraham to be willing to place God at a higher place of importance in his heart than his son? We have some friends who have a child and this child is everything to them, it almost makes me sick at times because the child can't do anything for himself and doesn't need too because he has parents that do it for him.
I am learning that there are things in our life that we need to be separated from because if we continue to hold on to them they will kill us. We need to learn to just go through things, not run from them and not camp out in them but allow the process of Life to take place in us so that we can grow up and become mature and complete not lacking anything and not easily tossed back and forth in this life.

Personal Reflection
The truth that I am learning is that some chaos has no meaning. It is simply what it is CHAOS. I know what I have desired most in the recent season of chaos and pain is for someone to come and just sit down with me me and shut up. Not for them to lend a hand, money, provisions, and exspecialy advise.
Let me be me, let me cry, let me vent, let me yell, let me ramble, let me then discover acceptance and then stand back up in faith to continue my journey. I needed to be allowed to sling dirt around from the confusing hole of my life as I search for precious valuables in the middle of the most humbling, dirty time of my life.
Sometimes we are looking for life lines to be dropped down into our hole so that we can get out but maybe there was a reason we where in that hole? Maybe there was something we where suppose to see, feel, hear or think about that would change the coarse of our life? Maybe there was a relationship that would be made in the middle of this that would change the very coarse of our life?

Drive By Shooter
There should be some kind of law against Christian drive buy shootings, we have laws to prevent that on earth so why not in for the church. Come on now, you know you have done it or at least thought about it. Allow me to set the stage:
You are living your orderly good life, making all the right choices, feeling good about yourself and all your ducks are lined up then you one day pass someone who is having trouble, their lives don't line up with right living.
You begin to think to yourself.
What did they do in order to deserve that?
They must have made some bad choices.
Maybe they pissed God off and He is teaching them a lesson.
I am sure glad that is not me you say but then you realize that God in you wants to extend a hand of compassion and love in order to aid in comforting them because this is what Christians are suppose to do. Right?
So here we are at the crossroads of conviction and action for this person. What are we going to do? What should we do? What do we end up doing?
Many times we pull a scripture out of our vacation bible school brain and load the spiritual gun of our mouth then fire away as we drive away in the vehicle of love. How many times do we use the Word of God and the Love of God as a means of justification in order to get away and disconnect with relationships rather than parking the car and getting out in order to get dirty with that person, even in their CHAOS.
What would happen if we pulled the car over rather than rolling down the window and throwing food or money at the homeless.
Stop!
Get Out!
Sit down and eat your lunch with them. Get dirty with them. Let them talk without the interruption of your wealth of abundant knowledge that has made your life so good and perfect. Sometimes life is just what it is, LIFE. I do not understand it but I know this one thing. God is good all the time and everything He is doing in my life and yours is for out good, not to harm us but to give us hope and plans for our future.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Fasting vs Feasting

We often think that the more we do without the closer to God we are. What do we do with the fact that God says He will prepair a table for us in the presence of our enemies?


You can tell the size of the man by the size of the problem that it takes to fustrate that man.


You can not truely live until you face death. Only true life can be found in true death. The dogs of doom always stand at the doors of destiny. We need to be willing to die trying. What do you love? What are you passionate about? These dogs have no teeth but they bark loud as hell. Only when we come to the point to where we have nothing left to lose can we break free from fear. Whatever it is you are called to do is what you are most fearful of and you must go through the dogs of doomed, only when you face them can you partake in the hiden treasures. Even video games show us that as we kill our enemies we grow stronger so that over time we will accept responsibilty to kill our Goliath. The devil is not your problem he is your opportunity!

The people asked for a King and God found the best man he could. Saul had never faced trials until he was King. David on the other hand had private victories before he had his public presentation. there is always a wilderness before the promise land but that does not mean it is suppose to be 40 years. You can not make it shorter but you can make it longer. the 17 day journey took 40 years. Part of battle is learning to deal with our brothers becasue this reflects our identiy. Our brothers can teach us how big we are on the inside, but this can only happen when we face them and deal with them. If you are going to kill a giant you will not do it the way you were taught, Saul tired to tell David to do the way he would do it and David said that would not work. David was telling Saul, I have not had any trials in these so i am not comfortable in them. Be true to ourselves and do it the way God wants to do it inside of you. You get victories when you learn to be the real you, take off all the mask and performance models and be you. Most of us are so afraid to be the real us, we run from the real us because the real us is found on the other side of what we fear the most.


Genetic Cloning Started in the Church

Unity is not conformity but the celebration of diversity. If you are different we throw you back in the test tube so you can try it again, you need to look like everyone else. They look like a test tube when they are finished. Most of us have a born again test tube exsperience. there is only one way to worship, one way to live life, our leader does it like this. Our fellowship functions are a neat freezer exsperience.

God is the most emotion being in the bible, when he loves it kills Him.


Before you can fight a Giant you must go through your brothers. Look at David in 1 Sam 17. Moses had to deal with his brothers before he could be the deliver. One reason we do not make changes that change histroy is because we reduce our down so that they will be smaller than us so that we feel better about our own life.


Identity

Some peoples identilty is in their crisis rather than their Christ. Jesus and the man at the pool of Bethesna and the man never answers him, he simply gave excusses as to why he can't get in. this man has no name, Why? His name was wrapped up in his crisis so we know him as the lame man. Something is always happening somewere else. Jesus gave him responsiblity to get up and take up his pallet and this stepped


You can tell how close you are to the palace by how you deal with injustice. Are you facing responsibily or are you hiding in the luggage?



Sunday, October 3, 2010

A Time for Everything

There is believe it or not a time to be direct with situations and relationships. We think that love never speaks up, love always allows someone to use us as a doormat but that is not true. Love is the best example of true confrontation in relationships as well as speaking your heart in truth. It means you share you heart even if it hurts. The hardest thing about love is that true love sends you into relationships so that you can see you and who you are so that God can work on you but we often miss that because we are wanting God to change everyone else to think and act like us.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Brazil

The village we are in now has an internet connection so I thought I would take some time and blog my heart.
God is continueing to empty me of religious, legalistic rules, and perfrmance programs. He is filling me with a deeper understanding of His love and acceptance for me just as I am. There is such a peace and rest in my heart which overflows into my life.
You may be thinking, well if I was in Brazil I would be at rest too. What you dont understand is that after my last communication with my wife I do not even know if I will come back to a buisness that is still standing. We had major mechanical problems and have lost equipment because of it, we have had people leave the company and news ones be hired with no training because I am not there. We have clients that are upset and checks from clients that have bounced which causes our accounts to come up short. Our primary source of income seems to be falling apart but I am at peace and rest.
In times like these we realize what kind of relationship we truely have. Religious rules can not produce for you character, peace and rest in the middle of the valley of the shadow of death. He has provided for me a table in the presence of my dark situation and I am enjoying the meal of His peace and rest.
Chow

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Leaving A Legacy

I have always thought of leaving a legacy in the aspect of a will or last testament but realize it is much more than that. In everyday life we are creating things because this is what we were created to do. We all fortunately un -fortunately will spend out lives creating things then we will all die. What will be left behind? and for who?

My wife
I have created the feeling in her that she was loved for who she is and that there are no strings attached. She knows what it is life to be loved for who she is not what she can do for me. I have created a family that loves her and will help her. I have created a will that will pay off debts and her bills when I am gone. I have created children that will grown old with her when I am gone. I have created memories with her that will forever shape the direction of her life. I have created a business that could be sold or ran and this would bring in a pretty good living.

Salem & Raina
I have created a spot in her heart that is filled with love, she knows that she is valuable and worthy. I have taught her how to do things that will last a lifetime. I have helped give her identity. I have helped her know that she is provided for. I created in her a feeling of protection in her because she knows that with me she is safe. I have lead in into a personal relationship with the Trinity. She has learned to hear the Holy Spirit and respond to what He is saying to her. I have created in her a place that always makes room for other people and places value on them.

Korie & Larrah
I have created in them a feeling of being loved for who they are not for what they can do. They know that someone helped them and was on their side. They have both seen me change through God and this has created in them a first hand experience that God is in the business of changing lives. I have created in them a place were they will be proud to publicly say this was my dad and he was a great man.

Inner Circle
I have created in them the mark of transparency to where they know that life does not have to be filled with emotional games but truth and realness. I have an created an ability for them to connect with others more easily and allow them to connect with me and others as well.

Family
I have created a before and after snapshot of how God can take a human life all jacked up and turn it around from the inside out.

Kingdom
I have created a difference in the kingdom of God because of the choices I have made and lives that have been touched and changed. Heaven looks different because of how I choose to live my life. Brazil is different because of choices I have made and sacrifices I was willing to make on behalf of humanity.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

What do you do about that?

As i have thought about it this week i realize this is our response. How do I respond to things, situations, people and issues. Most of the determining factors of my life will come from the response of what I do in a given situation, Not the Situation Itself.
I always thought it was about what happens to you or what someone else did but the older I get the more I believe it is what I chose to do with life that determines what happens in my future. What I do about stuff is choose to rest first and foremost.
I do not get bent out of shape or fly off the handle. I want to hear the voice of my dad and what heaven is saying about it then do what I hear or see Him doing. If I don't hear anything then I go on with what I think is best and once I can do all that I can do it is no longer in my hands. If people get upset it is not my problem.
I must know in all circumstances that I have done all that I can do and once I can answer that then I can rest in knowing I have done all I can do.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Joy

As I grow older I find myself measuring life by waht is, what could be and what used to be. As I think about joy I look back and think of how conditional it was. As long as things were going good there was joy, things are going my way, people approve of what I am doing and where I am going in life.
Now I see that joy is so not conditional. I can have joy while going through the worst year of business we have ever had, while things are tough in relationships that I value, while I not seeing happen in my life what I think should be happening with God. As I look at Joy I realize the key difference between then and now is that my relationship with God was based out of doing. Now it is based out of being. This causes me to rest in knowing that I do not have to be anything for God, I don't have to act right, do right, say the right things, follow certain commandments, fulfill certain expectations, all I have to do is be with Him and in Him and allow Him to do His work in me which causes me to have joy in all situations.
Are there times where I may be happier or have more joy than others? of coarse, but there is consistence and balance over all. The way I enter joy is to realize first of all that it is mine as a free gift no strings attached. I receive it and make it mine then desire to experience it and live it. As I taste it on different levels and in different situations it gets rooted deeper and deeper in my heart (not my head) how real this is.
I desire to grow in joy and see it become more of apart of me. I desire to see it overflow into even more areas of my life. I want to know more of God in the area of Joy.

Friday, August 6, 2010

More

When I look at the way my 7 year old acts it makes me laugh because many adults that I know act much the same way. We push the envelope in order to get what we think we want then when we get it we do not really want it. It is like we just wanted to see if we could get it or not.
There is in us a drive to push for more, we want more, we want to do more, see more, get more, have more and then there is the hard core want. We want to be more and do more with our life. Getting ahead in life is part of life and I will be the first to tell you that I love to advance in life but I also love to rest. I love to relax, I love to not have to perform and act certain ways in order to get certain things.
This is a lifestyle not a kick, I have been living in rest for over a year now and love it. I do not have days that my over active adrenalin rush keeps me going, or that I can not sleep at night because there is too much too do. I realize that I may not get as much done as someone else but I am good with that. I am able to rest and this makes me happier, redirects more energy towards important things like my family, helps me feel better, helps me see more around me, makes my physical body feel better and enhances my relationship with my Dad.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Rest is the Key to Restoration and Rejuvination

As I have been in a long season of rest I am begining to see the cocoon open. I know that I will soon fly like I was created to. I see that I was not created to be a catapillar who slowly trudges through life never seemingly getting anywhere all the while dodgeing this person or situation while tryign not to be stepped on.
I have spent so much time and energy out of my life trying to not be truely conected with people because I did not what to be vulnerable or intaminate with them. Deep down I knew this would cause me to get hurt or worse yet. They would see the real me. As I over the past two years have been removing fig leaves in front of several people as well as God I am learning that I am very comfortable being open, honest, vulnerable, and intimate with others. I find that the walls I used to hide behind are now gone and there is a larger space in my heart in which I am able to connect with God and His people.
This revelation has brought much freedom to my life and helps live in rest in so many areas of my life. Everything has everything to do with EVERYTHING.
I have learned what I am not called to do as well as what I am called to do. Knowing what I am good at, gifted at, passionate at and anointed to do is the secret of learning to live in rest as well as minister in rest. For the first time in my life as I venture back out into ministry I am doing it out of a heart of rest not one of performance. The ministry that God has placed in my heart flows so well with what I am called to do.
It has been a long journey, one filled with pain, heartache and frustration but now I see joy, peace, rest, love and calmness like I have never experienced in my life.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

What

I am passonate about children being treated fairly, about families staying together, about humans not being abused. I am very passionate about people being healed from internal wounds and lies that they live under all the while thinking that there sin is what makes them so bad. It is really the wounds that they have that magnifies the sin in their lives. I am passionate about flying airplanes as well as connecting with the Holy Spirit.
God has put me in a season that consumes me with people being healed, delivered and set free. I realize that I do not have the answers to many problems but God does and it I can help people connect with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit then they will work out healing in the individual persons life.
What breaks my heart is to see people trapped in a life style of living and for them to feel like there is no hope and no way out.
I am uniquely called and equiped to lead people into an exsperience with the Holy Spirit that causes them to be set free, delivered, healed and made whole.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Change

I would be the first to agree with you that change is good. Change opens up new opportunities for you that other wise would not have been noticed. Change gives you a fresh perspective on life as well as situations you may be facing.
However, change is difficult, uncomfortable, new, uncertain, and often times a little scary. It is funny how we like to get into our little groove of doing things and do not want to change. Many of us get to the point were we do not feel we need to change and if we stay there long enough we will begin to believe we do not ever need to change, it is others around us that need to change.
I do not ever want to get to a point like this and I know a handful of people who are like this. Lord, help me to embrace change, help me to run to new things not away from them. I invite new things, new perspective, new adventure, and new insight into my life even if the new things reveals to me that I was going a wrong direction.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Do You Have Squatters?

The are of our land, the place we live and dwell is not an accident. I believe God has placed each of us in the place we are in order to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. For me Abilene and Brazil is my territory, it is the place I have been called to take possesion of and to have dominon over. I am called to bring God's Kingdom in these areas. However, I am not the only one with plans for this land and this is were the problem starts.

God has had me asking myself lately if I have spiritual squatters in my life? Squatting is the oldest mode of tenure in the world and we are all descendands of squatting. The book I am reading is called Portals to Cleansing by Dr. Henry Malone. In its simplicity squatting is defined as by dictionary.com in two forms:
1. a person who settles on land or occupies property without title, right, or payment of rent.
2. a person who settles on land under goverment regulation, in order to acquire title.

We are called to have dominion over the land or our territory. By us not seeing a value in land we miss the value of what sits ontop of the land therefore we miss the reason things function the way they do. I have been asking myself where has the devil and his evil prescence moved into my area of influence, land and territory at? He is trying to earn possesion of something he does not have right too and I have allowed him to have access to areas of my life.

The thing about squatting is that the longer someone stays on the land, property or building the better the chances are that they will assume ownership of it. Think of it this way. If you were active in the ownership of something you would not allow someone else to move in and live there would you? For the fact that we are not involved in the ownership of our land, possesions, body, family, house, church, city, state and country we therefore are allowing a squatter to come in with the intention of aquiring ownership.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

We Create Our Tommorows Today

This is a decree that I am going to begin to release over my life and the lives of those I have influence over. It is found in Isaiah 49 from the NIV.
Verse 1
Listen to me, you islands; hear this, you distant nations: Before I was born the Lord called me; from my birth he has made mention of my name.
Islands

I can identify with the feeling of being an island, all by myself, disconnected from things around me, islands in fiction seem to be the ultimate get away paradise but in real life they can cause you to go crazy as well as limiting you from all kinds of opportunities, resources and basic needs. I am thinking of the Tom Hanks movie when he was stranded on an island and his friend was a ball whom he named. He talked to this ball the whole movie then when he lost the ball in his effort to break free form the island he was deeply saddened.
Nations

Distant nations seems to hit right at home with me as well. As I was in Brazil for the first time I was so cut off because of language barriers as well as difference in culture. However, all the environments around me were teaming with life. It is difficult to be in the middle of life but to not feel a part of or be connected with that life. It is almost like you are alive but living in a glass box. Most of my life has been lived like this. In the town,, state and country I was born into you would think I would feel right at home but I did not. Most of my life I felt like a distant nation in a foreign land while living in the only land I knew.

Lord Called Me & Know Me

What a turmoil to live in but the Lord called me before I was born and at my birth He made mention of my name. To know that the creator of the universe knows my name floods my soul with hope and confidence. If He knows my name then He knows me, my likes, needs, wants, hopes and dreams but even more than that He knows what He has planed for me and what He has called me to do in His universe. He has His eye on me and knowing that He plans only good for me carries more value and weight in my life than that of feeling like an island and distant nation. God through Jesus provided a way for me to come home. Jesus was ship that rescued me at sea, He was the plane that flew me back home, He rescued that stranded island and He was the one who unlocked the glass box so I could begin to function in the world around me and connect with it as it connected with me.

Verse 2
He made my mouth like a sharpened sword. in the shadow of his hand he hid me: he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver.

Sharpened Sword

God has called me to be somebody and to do something so he has equiped me with tools. One of them is a sharpened sword in my mouth. Everything that comes out of my mouth is a direct reflection of the condition of my heart and since Jesus lives in my heart and I am therefore motivated by His desires, thoughts and ambitions. I have the ability to release God from the inside of me so others can exsperience Him too. As He casued none of Samules words to fall to the ground I ask the same thing in my life.
Shadow of His Hand

I have been in God's hand and I am ever before Him. He knows my every move and thought before I do them or think them. Is 49:16 states that we are ever before God and He has me engraved on the palm of His hand. As I look at my hands I see thousands of small lines and cracks which make up my fingerprints, these uniquley tell the story of who I am and where I come from. Gods hands are so big that His creation makes up the fingerprints of His very being, thus telling the story of creation. Why would he hide me in the shadow of His hand? He was not ashamed of me. I feel it was for a season where He privately was shaping and molding me into the person He had called me to be back before my birth and that was part of what He was mentioning at my birth.

Polished

It is interesting that this peice of metal is not tarnished, rusted or wharped, it is polished. I have in my mind a piece of metal that a skilled craftsman has been grinding, shaping, sharpening then polishing. I can visualize this craftsman quietly sitting at his work area away from the hussle and bussle of everyday life. He removes the arrow from the grinding wheel and polishing brush in order to inspect it and as he twist and turns the polished arrow lookinf at it from all sides you can see the reflection of the craftsman in the craftsman creation. As we pull arrows from our quiver and load into our bow we should inspect them know ing that as we do we will see our own refection in what we are about to do, this mirror relection from the polished arrow should case us to take greater care of where we aim. It is interesting that in Ephesians 6: the enemy dips his arrows in thick molten fire that globs on the end of it before he shoots them. Why does he do this? Is it not enought to shoot someone with an arrow? I believe this protects him from seeing his own relfection of who he was created to be by the master craftsman. He does this because if he saw his current reflection of who he is versus who he was created to be it would further remind him of who deep the rebellion in his heart is, as well as how seperated from God he is. Since there is no room for repentance the angy heart rages even more as he stives to stay clear from the reflection of God who he was created to be like. He does this by attacking the very thing that creates the reflection. It would be like God being the creator of glass of any sort, we rebell agaist and detest the very substance of glass because in its relfection we see our creator which is a reminder of what we rebelled against so in order to not look into any glass of any kind we break everything we can get out hands on, just to avoid seeing our own relfection.

Arrow

The arrows that we draw from the quiver of our heart should be shot in the direction and with the entention of the creating craftsman. His work should be reflected in every thing we say and do. Arrows were used in battle throughout histroy to be released from the bow and effect the target it was aimed at, people were saved and others killed by arrows. In todays launguage the practicality of arrows still apply. In Jerimiah 9:8 it states that thier tongue is like a deadly arrow, it speaks with deciet. With his mouth he speaks nice to his neighbor but in his heart he sets a trap for him. Our voice is the bow that releases the arrow which is our words which in turn carries with it life or death to were it is aimed. In Ephesians 6: it states that our shield of faith quenches all the firely darts or arrows that the evil one shoots at us.
I am your servant so display your splendor through so that I can bring glory to the Father through Jesus name.
I have chased after other things, things that do not fill me up with life. I have wasted my strength in vain so in the heart of repentance I recieve from the Lords hand. I recieve my rewards from you Father
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Saturday, January 2, 2010

I have been soaking in something that God is breathing into my spirit lately. There are two seasons that we as believers function in.

Season of Hibernation
In this season we are active in a state of rest. Not much is going on in our lives. We may not feel very productive or benifical to those around us but do not under estimate this season.
Example:Plants grow the most during the winter. Why? During the winter all the energy of the plant is underground establishing deep root systems. With out this season of growth the plant will not be able to sustain during the active growing season of blooming.
When we do not allow for seasons of Rest to come to our lives we shorten the depth of the root systems that God is trying to develope in us so that we are truely strong, even in storms. It has been my exspierience that in this season God births things in you that you can not recieve any other way. You can not work for it, earn it, nor do you deserve it but through Jesus you get it by Resting in Him.

Season of Blooming
During this season we are active in growth, we are doing things and producing a lot of fruit. Scripture says that the faith is forceful and the violent take it by force. Our faith in action is violent b/c when we use it, it by nature pulls down darkness and destroys strongholds on peoples lives. In order for someone to get a breakthrough of any kind they are getting broken free from something. How do you get a breakthough with out getting broken free? The very thought of you needing a breakthrough suggest you are in bondage thus needing help. The violent part of this is not a bloody battle but it is that through the blood of Jesus shed for us over 2000 years ago we can stand in the authority of Jesus and command that strongholds be broken and captive be released thus satan has to submitt to our commandment of authority bc it lines up with the will, purpose, and plan of God in His Kingdom.

We need both of these seasons in our lives. There is a time to grown and go then there is a time to sit quietly and recieve. I was asking myself the other day what the difference between complacency and rest was and this is what God showed me.

When you are in a time of rest it will feel like you are being complacent but do not be decieved into thinking that you are. The way you can tell the difference is that when you are in a time of REST I will be speaking something into you and when you are in a time of complacency I will not. If you are being complacent then you will be setting around in the name of REST but you will not find me in anything that you are doing. Complacency has no productivity to it but REST does!

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