Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thankfulness

In this Holiday Season so many people exspress their thankfullness and gratitued only based out of the Holiday Season. I want to exspress my thankfullness beyond the boundaries of that. I want to dive to deeper depths and tell you that I am thankfull for people who speak truth into my life rather than giving me false lip service. I want to thank people who stick with me when the times of my life have gotten really rough. I want to thank people who have stayed with me when I have made mistakes and sometimes made them multiple times. I am thankful for God bringing me to the point in relationships where I can be open, honest and transparent. Being this to others has helped me step into true frendships and relationships. I consider relationships to be the most valueable thing I have.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

A Moment In Time

Throughout my life I see specific turning points of events which had crucial pivotal impacts on all of my life. We often think that small things do not matter, it is the large things you need to worry about.
A bible verse states that the small foxes spoil the vine. A vineyard can be destroyed easily by small harmless foxes when the grapes are tender on the vine.
Here is were the small foxes of my life started
one lie
one theft
one day of skipped school
one night of sneaking out of my window
one cigarette
one drink
first party
one hit of pot
one kiss which lead to a sexual encounter
one snort which lead to hard core drug usage
one dollar made from drug sales
All of this played into my moment in time.
On October 28, 1994 it was 10:02 and I had just finished breakfast. I thought I heard something outside so I went to look around. I did not see anything but heard this thumping noise behind me when I turned around there was a black assault helicopter with gun racks on either side hovering over the roof line of my house. There were two pilots and the one on the right side smiled at me then waved. I remember thing what a strange sight this was and that they were obviously lost. I heard something behind me again so turned around. I was shocked to see a swarm of FBI, DEA, Drug Task Force, Police, Sheriff, and even Narks that I spoke with regularly. They were all there to visit me, and it was not friendly. There was so much movement, so much yelling. It was like a blur of noise and activity, I was seriously discombobulated.
On this cool morning I was thrown to the ground on a gravel chat driveway with over 30 guns pointed at me. I was laying there on my stomach then started coughing because they had dropped my paper work of charges in front of me. I remember saying to myself, "That is as think as my Dads baptist study bible." Then I heard someone say, " We got you, you son of a bitch. Now, finally we can go back to having a life with our families since we will not be chasing you all over the country." Then a different voice said, " You have the right to remain silent, you have the right..." that was all I heard because I had already began another conversation.
This was a conversation with a man I had judged for years and whom I had ran from since I was 11 years old. I began to tell Him that I had really messed up my life and this time I did not see anyway to fix it. I then was taken back to 7 years old when I was in vacation bible school and I remembered hearing about giving my heart to Him and He would accept me just like I was and where I was.
So one that cool morning laying in the gravel with my hands cuffed behind my back while being read my rights, I was reading my rights to Jesus and giving my life to him. I felt Him come into my heart, I felt His presence in me for the first time in my life. I somehow knew that I was going to be ok. I had an inner peace along with feeling loved. For the first time in many years I did not hurt on the inside and this felt really good, especially since I was not high on drugs.
This is one of the greatest life changing moments in my life.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

What Have I Stood For?

I feel it is important for you to see behind me before you see me were I am today. Everything about yesterday has shaped me to be who I am today.

Most of my life I have lived as a want to be. I wanted to be someone famous, wanted to be someone important, wanted to be someone who was needed and valuable. Since this never unfolded in my life I dreamed it up inside so that I could live a self fulfilled fantasy of importance.

My life was laced with compromise, and stitched with performance. I kept myself closed off from others who would confront and complicate my life. I had the perfect fantasy life mapped out in my mind but struggled to live this type of life in a world of reality. I worked so hard to earn the approval of others and to be seen as productive person. All of this effort was channeled in such a way as to try to earn self worth in order to cover my cracked self esteem.

Today God has done such a work in me through Jesus. I have received the reality of the unconditional love and acceptance of the plan of my Father. I have died to guilt and condemnation that comes from trying to fullfill the law and be good enough for God. I have learned to rest in the work that God finished before the foundations of the world were complete. Because of where I am today I can now tell you what I stand for.

I stand for compassion in action for human life not the sidelines of sympathy.
I stand for the truth of God being felt and experienced not merely heard as head knowledge.
I stand for not teaching anything that I do not live myself.
I stand for personal life changing encounters with the living God.
I stand for the value of relationships which are lived out of honesty, truth, openness and vulnerability.
I stand for making wrongs right in love rather than digging wholes to cover the past.
I stand for Family unity.
I stand for living a transparent life everywhere, everyday and in every way.
I stand for one who hates to see others abused, miss used and taken advantage of.
I stand for one who does not like the side lines of life, I love to be in the middle of what God is doing in everyday life.
I stand for living your life in such a way as to know that others lives have been different because they encountered you.
I stand for roots of peoples lives being dealt with not the symptoms of problems.
I stand for one who loves to see who God created me to be through His Word and living it our in everyday life.
I stand for making the most of today because today may be the last day you have.
I stand for living a life with no regrets.
I stand for living a life that is drama free not problem free.
I stand for living life in such a way as to run towards the giants of life rather than away from them.
I stand for one who is aware that everything that I need in life has been given to me through God in Christ who lives in my heart.