Monday, March 11, 2013

Cave Man to Connected Man

Most of us as believers want the reality of Heaven to touch our lives. Think of it like this, if you were sick with cancer you would want the reality of the fact that God is never sick to become your reality. This could unfold into many areas of our lives like finances, relationships, revelation and basically any other area of life you can think of.

The other day I was walking through the hardware store on the phone with Leonard and it came to me that most people want a connection with the reality of the Kingdom of Heaven, God, God's blessings, God's abilities and God's character. We want this reality because we are aware that we have needs, issues and circumstances that exceed the realm of what this world and out personal abilities can provide.

So on one hand we want the reality of the divine or supernatural power in our life but on the other hand most humans are aware that they are not in as good of shape as they think they are. Their life is not good regardless how much they smile, how nice they dress and how much they think positively or meditate. I am not just talking about physical shape but also mental, emotional, spiritual, financial and even circumstantial.

I can identify with having a need, want or desire for the power from above to make everything better and I can also can identify with the feeling of worthlessness and that my life is not worth being changed. Because of my childhood wounds, life tragedy and personal crisis due to personal choices I made and choices other people made for me I have lived most of my life disconnected from meaningful relationships.

Disconnected?
What do you mean by that?
Here is a list of how disconnect wove a thread through the tapestry of my life.
  • groups of people
  • stressful situations
  • problems that I could not solve
  • group thinking or teamwork
  • family and next of kin
  • people who disagree with me
  • people who yell, scream, and have high drama
  • men as being friends
  • Woman in general other than that of a sex toy
  • task that were too hard for me to complete
  • fear of the unknown
  • fear of personal or public failure
I could go on and on but the reality of my life is that anything that I thought would cause me pain or make me feel insecure I disconnected from it quickly so that I could protect myself from being hurt any further. I did not trust people because that created the potential for me to get hurt. My life motto was "if you want it done right then do it yourself".

This looked really good on the outside because other people would complement me on how controlled I was and how they wished they could be this calm and controlled. The sad thing is that as I accepted their compliments they could not see that I was in a dark protective cave with only my eyes showing. I began to think that living disconnected from people, places and things was a normal way of life. It was all I knew and assumed I would never break free from this type of heart attitude.

My home was a dark cave with only one entrance and exit so that I could go in and not have to worry about anything behind me or on the sides of me. I honestly thought I was a smart man for living like this. I looked at people who got hurt by other people and thought to myself, "if they lived like me then that would not have happened to them". I also looked at other people and found it strange that they were happy, many of them did not have material possessions or great circumstances yet they were happy and complete.

People that were happy I thought were strange, I justified it by saying they all of them were just better at faking it than those of us that were unhappy. Then I added to it that at least we were being honest about our feelings. Ha

Micro to Macro



Luke 16:10
He who is faithful in the small things will be faithful in great things, he who is unfaithful in small things will be unfaithful in great things.

Root word breakdown
He who is faithful and persuaded by what he hears and knows in the smallest micro of things will be faithful and persuaded by what he hears and knows in the greatest of things.
He who is judgmental, controlling and condemning with others in the smallest micro of things will be judgmental, controlling and condemning with others in the greatest of things.

Theme of Visibility 
Going from small to great seems to be the theme which occurs two different times. I thought it would be benificial to look at both definitions for micro and macro.

microorganism
any organism too small to be viewed by the unaided eye, as bacteria, protozoa, and some fungi and algae
macroorganisims
any organism that can be seen with the naked eye 
So micro means so small that you can not see it, it would be to us as if it were not even there but macro things can be seen. How much of our life do we ignore the micro things and give attention only to the macro things?


Two world forces
The two most common created relevant things that connect our world in every way is relationships and possessions.
Possessions - are important because of the natural exchange of goods, services, foods and basic health needs which is a means of our survival.
Relationships - are important because they are the backbone of life, they are the way in which we get our needs meet by others and by God. Relationships are the way in which God reaches into the hearts and minds of His creation in order to identify and connect with.

Application of these forces
These two forces work together and if used in everyday life separately the individual will end up feeling disconnected and incomplete. This person will have a constant nagging awareness of feeling not whole and that something is missing but are unsure of what it is.
The person who lives in this cycle usually spends a lot of time trying to fill the emptiness in their life with people, events, latest technology, religion, education, intelligence, drugs, sexual experiences and other things in order to feel complete and whole.
The deceiving part of this is that the more you try to fill yourself in order to feel complete the more empty you become. Like a small insect trapped in a spiders web, this likewise is a very sticky tangled web to get free from and most people live their life struggling to get free from this web, some never succeed and die there.

Small things
We most often overlook the small things in life, we think they have no importance, but do they?
Germs
Bacteria
Fungus
Alge
Seeds
Unseen particles of air that we breath
Atoms
Quirks
Sound waves
Light waves
Energy waves
Vibrations
A penny
A first drink
A first kiss or touch
Microscopic roots which maintain life for a large tree or shrub.
Microscopic veins which transport blood and oxygen to the body 
Drop of poison
A single spark of fire 
One degree while in flight or on a ship 
Large things are made from and consist of small microscopic parts. Most of us pursue big things, we want final results, we want to arrive at a destination but don't want to take the journey.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Meat or Milk

Heb 5:14 But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, [even] those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.
strong -  strong, firm, immovable, solid, hard, rigid., in a bad sense, cruel, stiff, stubborn, hard, in a good sense, firm, steadfast
meat - to nourish, support, feed, to give suck, to fatten, to bring up, nurture
full age -  brought to its end, finished, wanting nothing necessary to completeness, perfect
reason of use -  to hold one's self or find one's self so and so, to be in such or such a condition, to hold one's self to a thing, to lay hold of a thing, to adhere or cling to, to be closely joined to a person or a thing
senses - faculty of the mind for perceiving, understanding, judging
exercised - unclad, without clothing, the naked body, laid bare, to exercise naked (in a palaestra or school of athletics) to exercise vigorously, in any way, either the body or the mind
discern - to separate, make a distinction, discriminate, to prefer, to learn by discrimination, to try, decide to determine, give judgment, decide a dispute, to withdraw from one, desert, to separate one's self in a hostile spirit, to oppose, strive with dispute, contend, to be at variance with one's self, hesitate, doubt
good - beautiful, handsome, excellent, eminent, choice, surpassing, precious, useful, suitable, commendable, admirable, beautiful to look at, shapely, magnificent
evil - of a bad nature, not such as it ought to be, of a mode of thinking, feeling, acting, base, wrong, wicked, troublesome, injurious, pernicious, destructive, baneful

But firm and solid nourishment fattens them that are of wanting nothing necessary to be complete, even those who by reason of the thing you hold in your hand and adhere closely to have your understanding with out clothing and naked be laid bare and undone so that you are able to give judgement to and to separate both what is beautiful and excellence of shape and what is not as it ought to be as well as destructive.

I eat firm nourishment that belongs to me because I want nothing else in order to be made complete because I hold in my hand understand with out restrictions and am able to determine between what is precious and what is not as it ought to be.

When I begin to judge what is good and bad based on what I hold in my hand because of what I eat as nourishment and the fact that I am willing to allow my nakedness (weakness, vulnerabilities) to be see by my trainer or mentor ie, by other humans then I move into the reality of personal responsibility. In a vulnerable relationship with another human is where my greatest weakness are revealed.
What does nakedness look like?
It looks like the secret thing that you hide from everyone else. 
You smile and pretend to be ok but you are not. 
You pretend to have your finances in order but are on 90 days past due with notification shut offs all around you. 
You on the inside are hurting so bad that you can not sleep at night but during the day you make yourself and  other around you believe you are fine.
Here is what some of this behavior language looks like.
I am just fine.
I am blessed
I am too blessed to be stressed
God is so good 
Praise God everything is fine
God doesn't  put more on me than I can handle so surely I will get through this
All things will work out for my good

My thoughts are still in development 





















others around you believe you are ok.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Foot Steps 2

The following morning after the dream / vision that I had (if you have not read Foot Steps then go back and do this before you read any further) I began to see and feel the following. When I mean when I say see and feel what I am really try to say is that I am having and inward experiences which is so profound that it brings with it a form of reality even thought I am not sure it is happening but yet at the same time I am sure it is happening because I am experiencing it. I don not have any other language to articulate what I am feeling and seeing on the inside of me.

I was back looking down the hall from about ceiling height and could not hear foot steps any longer. But I could hear a different sound now which I had never heard in that place. Every minute or two I could hear a door open then shut, open then shut then it would stop. The feeling that I am having is that I was testing out what Father God had said to me when I saw Him open the door:
Did He really leave the door unlocked?
Why did He leave the door unlocked?
Am I suppose to leave it shut, half way shut or open it all the way?
The only thing that I was fully aware of is that the door would not lock back because I did not have the key to make it happen. So here I was playing with the door opening and shutting it trying to decided what position of openness I wanted the door to be in. There was another noises in the distance that I could here.
As I looked around to see where the noise came from I saw a little head poke out of one of the rooms. The little head looked to the left and then to the right the disappeared back into the room. A moment later it peaked out again and stayed a little longer looking to the left and to the right then he made a sound. The little boy says pssst, psst, psst, he looked to the left then to the right he was seeing if anyone could hear him. Was anyone else there? Then another little head from down the hall answered him. Yes, I am here. What's your name? These two boys began to talk back and forth down the hall from each other.
After some time of talking one of the boys did the unthinkable. He slowly left his room and entered into the hall and made his way down to his new friend. They sat in the hall and talked and laughed and talked and laughed then they noticed that other little heads were peaking out of their doors.
Over a period of hours I saw children running and laughing and playing with each other in the hall and in each others rooms. Almost all the doors to the rooms were opened except one or two. Then I began to feel love, life, fun and connection in this hall. The activity of these children playing with each other was energetic and powerful.

Foot Steps

Last night my best friend and I were after an experience with Father God so we did a prophetic exercise. We closed our eyes and invited Father God to walk through our life then within about one minute here is what happened.
I began to see this long hall that had doors after doors lined on the left and right hand side of the hall. Behind each door of coarse was a small room. In each of these rooms was trapped a memory, the memory looked like a two or three picture frame photos that you might have on your bed side table. These pictures communicated the feeling of being at home but it was obviously not home.
The place we were in was like a mental hospital / orphanage. The walls were all white, the ceilings were all white, the floors were white tile like that old commercial hard tile that you see in old industrial buildings. I could see no end to the hall but was really overwhelmed at the thought of how many doors there were. The insides of the rooms were solid white and had one small window that was up higher on the wall somewhere around 6 feet or so. The window was probably 12" tall by 24" wide. It let light into the room which showed how clean and white the room was.
The first thing I heard as I was seeing all of this is foot steps. Big strong foot steps that were evenly paced so you could tell who ever it was, was not in a hurry, they were not mad nor did they scoot their feet. Each step was clearly and firmly planted on the floor one after the other, the steps where very intentional. These foot steps would walk for a minute then stop for a minute, walk for a minute then stop for a minute. Over and over this continued to happen.
I knew inside that the sound of these footsteps were made by Father God, Dad, or a strong, confident, loving father figure, I don't know how I knew this but I did. I begin to wonder.
What He was doing?
Why did he keep stopping then starting?
Why could I not hear anyone talking, only the sound of the footsteps?
Then I saw Him opening a door ajar just a little bit and with one hand on the door knob and one hand on the door jam of the wall He leaned His head into the room saying in a soft deep, clam voice:
I am here
Everything is Ok
You are not alone
You can come out if you like
Then, He smiled and pulled the door to but did not totally shut and lock the door back like it was before. It was as if He was saying you are free to come out of your room if you like, but if you want to stay in your room you are free to do that as well. He then said that there was a sign out log in the lobby and I could use it if I wanted to. The way that He shut the door gave me an overwhelming feeling of freedom and love. He was letting me know that he accepts me, all of me just like I am right where I am and He loves me regardless of what I choose.
In this dream / vision I did not feel fear, insecurity, judgement, or sadness. The only thing I felt was the freedom of being loved right where I was. All of the parts of me felt accepted just as I was.
When I refer to all of the parts of me, I mean that I had the feeling that all these individual rooms were individual memories which had their own form of personality locked away with in with no visitors.
What a sad way to live life but from what Father God spoke to us it did not have to stay this way.





















Sunday, February 10, 2013

Friends with Loss

I have considered loss to be my enemy for the first 38 years of my life. I determined early on that I could not have loss as a part of my life. When it came knocking at my door I would ignore it or pretend it was not there. I developed a very effective (so I thought) system to avoid facing loss.
I would be very quite, the equivalent of tip toeing around the house so it would not hear me and  think I was not home or I would go to the extreme and turn up the music so I could not hear loss knocking even if it new I was home. At any level this is still denial in full bloom. I worked so hard at pretending that loss was not there to visit me. As I reflect on my life I remember some very specific times loss showed up to pay me a visit.
  • When a teacher in 1st grade told me I was stupid in-front of the whole class
  • When I personally realized that I would never be the most liked popular guy.
  • When I realized that I was not good at sports no matter how hard I tried.
  • When my mom told me that she was going to ask my dad to leave the house then she asked me to give my permission for her to do it.
  • The first time that I put illegal drugs into my body.
  • When one of the three friends I had died due to cancer when I was 10.
  • When I lost my virginity at the age of 12 to a girl who was using me to make her ex boyfriend jealous of her in order to get him back.
  • When my dad told me that every kid gets picked on and that it develops character so I just needed to deal with it.
  • When I was 10 I stole (and got caught) a silver B key chain holder from K Mart and my mom made me take it back to the managers office.
  • When I decided that if I wanted to be safe then I would have to protect myself bc I was the only one that I could trust.
  • When I realized that no one paid any attention to me unless I was in trouble or hurt, this affirmed to me that I was not likeable or worth any value. 
  • When I realized that I could not make my way in life through eduction and being book smart so I decided to work with my hands and make my own way in life.
  • The day I began working for a large drug cartel in Mexico / Columbia
  • The day that I was sitting in a pile of seizure notices and my wife at that time told me she was taking my dog and leaving me.
Questions About Loss
Is loss bad or good?
Should we avoid loss or face it?
Is loss out enemy or our friend?
Does loss always find us or do we sometimes find it?
Does loss happen to some of us or all of us?
Does loss happen to good people or only bad people?
Isn't there away around it to avoid it?

As a teenager growing up in the country about 3 miles from town I would ofter cross multiple property lines to get to town, school, mall or a friends house. There were several pieces of property that had dogs on them and one of these dogs chased me for what seemed like forever. I remember how mad he was and he did everything he could in order to get a piece of me. I remember one time that I stepped onto the property and there was no dog.
I waiting a minute or two then proceeded across the property. I kept wondering where the dog was because it was so quite as I trespassed on this property. I had just reached the half way mark when all the sudden, I heard this loud noise behind me. He had been hiding so that I could not see him then he came up from behind me in order to catch me by surprise. Surprised I was! I ran faster that day than any day before. He did not want to really eat me but he did want me off his territory.
I began to feed him before crossing his territory and over time he let me cross even when there was the occasion that I did not have food with me. Did I become best friends with this dog? Did we role around on the ground together and play? Did he follow me home and become my dog? No, but he would let me feed him then he would lay down and let me walk off. I got to the point to where I turned my back on him and kept walking, now that is trust. Or, maybe just stupidity on my part.
At any rate the point of this story was to say that we can not ignore the barking dogs in our life. It does not matter weather we are at fault or not. When loss comes to you it requires a response. If you do not respond you will find yourself in a holding pattern until you do respond to it.You can pretend it is not there, you can move to a different city, get a different job, find a different church, marry a different spouse but the fact remains. Loss does not leave your side until you sit with it and listen to what is has to say. Loss speaks to you if you will only listen.

Loss Speaks In Certain Ways
  • It helps you see what you could have done differently in order to not be the cause of this happening again.
  • It reveals to you the true condition of your heart.
  • It blows away the fog so that you can see your true attitude of heart towards people, places and things.
  • It connects you with your greatest fear. This is good because your will not grown beyond the level of your fears.
  • It helps you to position yourself in a place of awareness to accept personal responsibility for your life and life choices.
  • It speaks to you about personal victory and unseen potential within yourself, however you have to look past the part of feeling like a defeated failure.
  • When it speaks to you it causes your world to slow down which can help you see things you have never seen.
  • It shows you the carousel pattern in your life so that you can get off that ride. Why go to an amusement park full of rides and spend the day going in circles on the merry go round carousel?
  • When you see how vulnerable we are to loss it aids you in being more merciful, kind and compassionate to others around you.
  • It helps you come down off your soap box so that you can relate to people around you in a real relationship rather than a dictatorship.
  • It helps you make the hard choice, do I want to go on living or do I lay here and die?
  • It connects you with your true created potential deep within your heart. Until you are in a do or die situation you never know what you are made out of.
  • It helps you to see that life still goes on and that it is bigger than you thought it was.
  • It provides you with a rare opportunity to get something you could not get at any other place and time in your life.

Loss and I have become friends, we don't hang out together and go to the movies together, loss is not my identity but it is part of my life like it or not. Loss has helped make me who I am today, everything that I am is in part of what I have been through and the way I have chosen to deal with it.
These are some conclusions that I am seeing at the age of 42. I see loss as being so benificial in my life that I now have given loss a open invitation to my house anytime. When it comes in I will sit with it and see what it is saying to me. This means I choose to not run, hide, fight, fear or ignore it but will listen to what it has to say to me and to my circumstances. My current prospective of loss is that it is a unique opportunity to grow in an unfamiliar way.

Two Types of Loss
What do I do with loss? On one hand I have chosen to sit with it and not run from it but on the other hand and I not going to pitch a tent there and call it home. Where is the balance in all of this? As I have researched and processed this over a lengthy period I have come to several conclusions. When we begin to see that loss leads us to gain this puts us on a path of healing. Yes, I believe that loss leads us to gain if we go through it in a healthy way.
  • Healthy Loss
First of all it is important to know that were the spirit of God is there is freedom. Most of us want to leave Him out of the process of loss because we think we believe He caused it or He allowed it. Because most of us do not know God's true nature we leave Him out of loss thinking that it will make it easier and keep it more manageable.
When we choose to enter into loss and I do not mean loss happening to us. Loss happens to all people but not all people choose to enter into it and process it. In it we allow all attitudes, emotions, judgements, memories, and  others to surface.
Yes, you allow the things that are already being kept repressed inside of you to come out. This may sound overwhelming to you but it is not as overwhelming as trying to live each day of your life like you are happy and everything is good when you know down inside of you, you are a step away from a breakdown. Now, that's overwhelming?
Here is the key. Very important! Might as well put a public health announcement on this. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS WITH ONE OR MORE HUMAN BEINGS! That is what brings loss to a stop and begins the process of gain, growth, healing, recovery, restoration. Whatever you want to call it. I do not personally believe that loss should be an endless cycle which replays over and over again for the rest of your life. I believe loss awakens awareness in us and through processing it with other humans we find a deeper meaning in life and love as our conclusion rather than isolation and distrust.
Most of us have loss because of another human being. Someone betrayed or abused us, they lied or attacked us, they promised us something and did not follow through with it. Other times it is someone we do not know that hurt us or hurt someone we know or love. All people make bad choices and these choices effect others which in turn causes loss.
  • Un healthy Loss
Loss comes to this person just like it does to all of humanity but this person chooses to ignore it and avoid it. Here are some things I have said and also commonly hear from people that are trapped in the cycle of un healthy loss.
I am doing great!
I have already dealt with that, they say this while they are standing 5 feet away from you because they do not want to get close to anyone.
I dont want to talk about that, God knows my heart.
God and I are working it our together.
I need to just hang on and day this will be over.
What are you talking about that is in the past?
I spoke with that person and we got everything worked out, but they haven't spoken to them in 5 years.
That did not bother me like it would most people, I am fine.
I went to counseling for several weeks and feel better now.
Since I have been going to church everything is better.
I moved to a different city and now have a fresh start so everything is going to be alright.
They were not a compadable mate but one day I will meet my match made in heaven.
All children die sometimes and it was just their time.

Un healthy loss will follow you everywhere you go, it moves with you, it re decorates your home with you, it changes churches with you, it learns to behaviors with you, it enters into your new spouses life with you. Everything you do brings loss with you until you choose to face in and allow it to do its work in you which will bring you a deeper meaning of life and love. In my opinion the same experience of  loss does not have to cycle forever in your life.
Everything in life breads life to its own kind. Loss breads more loss. What I am saying is that if you are stuck in loss and can not figure out why you seem to have more loss than anyone else around you maybe it is because the cycle you are refusing to enter into in order to be healed is reproducing its own kind. Loss gives birth to more loss.

Judas kiss to Jesus 
We must see that loss is not the end of the road
Loss is a stopping place and birthing place at the same time
Loss brings us to an awareness of what is really in our heart
The only way loss can produce healing is for someone giving you the freedom to be who you really are, if you hold on to any part of loss it will not let you go.
The hard part about getting healed through loss is because many times relationships have caused the loss and our source of healing and freedom will be found in relationships

Lazarus was wrapped in loss but the people around him loosened the clothes and set him free

Loss is a tool that can reveal things to us that no other tool in the universe can do.
Peter said count it all Joy knowing - we have to know 

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Log of Deception

And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?

Dust
Dust is a small particle and it seems harmless
Dust can cause lots of unseen problems 
Dust is all around us
You normally have to look for dust in order to find it

Eye
Eye is the window to the soul, you look into the eye you see into the heart
Eye is an entrance and exit to the body
Eye captures life in color all around us

Log
Log is a large object or beam
the root meaning - to have intercourse with, have affection for, give attention to, to hold up and support, to receive, to take by the hand, to bring into family with and to educate as in the form of adoption, to give ear to, to embrace,

Beams hold up structures, structures protect families and keep them safe, structures give place to the everyday person to come in and find rest. Every architect is know by the structures they have built, the things that stand after they are gone is their legacy of excellence.

What I hear God saying to me through this passage of scripture. Brian why do you look at the speck of dust in others people eye which you often have to be very intentional at finding bc it is so small yet you seem to ignore the log in your own eye. Rather than looking at your own life you would rather look at other peoples life so that you can avoid you dealing with you. Why do you blame and find fault with other people rather than accepting full personal responsibility for your own life? When you look into the eye of another person in order to find fault you are actually finding fault with the internal core of that person. The eye is the window to the soul, the deepest part of a human being. When you do this you are not just finding fault with that person but with their creator!
Said another way. Why do I ignore the beam in my own eye that is defective and even dangerous to my life and the lives of those around me. This beam or beams are the structures of my life which hold up everything I do, have done and will do in the future. The type of materials that I use today will determine what I have the capacity to build on tomorrow. Why do I insist on doing things my way, on occasion I may use the correct load bearing beam in my structure but that doesn't make it right because the attitude of I did it my way all by myself is still painted on it.
I feel that I am always right and that my way is best, I also feel that you can not trust people so you have to do things yourself if you want it done right. In essence I am in the current process of building a big building, thinking that I know what I am doing while unaware that the material beams which hold up my masterpiece will not stand and are faulty which could one day result in my collapse.
If I collapse then it affects me personally, my wife, my children, my inner circle, my extended family, my friends, my business, my employees and most of all it becomes a loss to years of my life which I will never get back. God's love is trying to get me to look at the beam in my life so that He can help me avoid destruction from what I am building. Two things for sure will come at some point and time.
  1. Storms, strong winds and violent weather which will collapses my masterpiece
  2. Too much weight on the top part of what I have build because the top half of my building is heaver than the structure or foundation of it



Process of Transformation

I have spent most of my life looking at things from an external point of view. Everything that happened to me happened on the outside not on the inside and this has contributed to me living my life in a constant cycle of disappointments feeling like enough is never enough.

I am now beginning to see that everything pertaining to life comes from with in our heart thus makes it internal. It should not be a surprise to us that 95 percent of Jesus teaching while on earth was about the heart of mankind.
Heart - karida
1) the heart, denotes the center of all physical and spiritual life, the vigor and sense of physical life
2) that organ in the animal body which is the center of the circulation of the blood, the soul or mind, as it is the fountain and seat of the thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes, endeavors
3) of the understanding, the faculty and seat of the intelligence, the will and character

Here is an overview of an active process that is alive in me and it transforming from the inside out. It is causing me to think differently, act differently, respond differently as well as to have different internal motivations, passions and identity.
  • God meets me at the crossroads of awareness through another individual or circumstances thus revealing the true condition of my heart.
The true condition of your heart most often surfaces in attitudes, actions, motives and judgements that you place on people, places and things. 
This awareness needs to go past the surface of mental intellectual knowledge which says I was wrong and I am sorry for that. This needs to sink deep into your heart because there is a difference in saying this or that was wrong and I was wrong for doing this or that. 
Keep in mind that any level of awareness externally or internally begins this process of healing. Often in this process we reject this new awareness because it is easier to deflect, redirect and blame others rather than be the source of our own problem. You will find it very easy to blame the person or situation that puts enough pressure on the sore spot of our heart causing this sleeping giant to awaken.
It most important to know that God desires to come to you where you are so that He can love and heal you not judge and condemn you. Is is easy to jump track at this stage of the process because of guilt.
  • God requires me to accept full personal responsibility for your my in order for me to go any deeper in this healing process with Him. 
No blaming others, self, situations, or circumstances. You are who you have chosen to be and those choices have brought you to where you are today. It is what it is. Accept this as your current reality, with no reasoning or justification. 
This always occurs in the presence of an individual and eventually with Him personally for that condition I am currently aware of.
Keep in mind that this is not your final outcome but it is your current reality so accept it as so.
 It is not uncommon that most people ask this question, "What do I need to do in order to fix, solve, or repair this issue?" The answer is simple. You can not do anything to fix the condition of your heart!
You may also experience high levels of fear at this point of the process because you are confronting the very thing that you have spent most your life running from, avoiding, hiding from, laughing at or simply pretending it was not there.
  • The only thing I can do to fix the condition of my heart is to realize I can not! So I bring the awareness and personal responsibility of the condition of my heart to Him and rest in Him just as I am. It is essential to do this with another person knowing that when you do it with them you are doing it with Him.
In this resting process I need to lean into the trusting relationships of my inner circle or the one person who I can trust and be open and honest with as to the current awareness of the real condition of my heart. Keep in mind that being with them is being with Him!
This is not time for you to strap on the gloves and box yourself black and blue while standing in front of the mirror of the aware you. 
Remember that there is nothing you can do except rest in Him and be open and honest with them!
God came to earth to heal the broken hearted, free the guilty, set the captive free, make the lame to walk, cause the bind to see and to connect His love to our hearts so we could see how valuable we are to Him.
Realize that this is not a suddenly moment, there is no quick way to be healed, healing is a process, it is a journey to be savored as you walk one step at a time.
You will often feel like this process is not working and be tempted to jump ship and swim on your own because of two things:
One - you are in the middle of it and can not see outside of it and this is natural, rest in Him and trust them! When you are in the middle of the forrest you do not see the beauty of the forest because all you can see it the trees, the dead limbs, the odor of dung and urine, as well as all the flying insects so learn to enjoy the hardships and beauty of the ground floor until your journey takes you to the mountain top where you can see the forest.
Two - guilt sets in because you are finally connected with how unworthy you feel.


Sunday, February 3, 2013

Retirement is Here

Many Americans look so forward to the day of retirement, the day they no longer have to clock in, be told what to do and when to do certain task. We look forward to the day when we are our own boss and we set we set our own schedule. We think of it as the day when we get to do all the things we wanted to do and never had time to do them.
We think of it as the day we arrive! We plan most of our life for this day, we have life saving plans and investments so that we can maintain the lifestyle we want and as unfortunately as it is only 5 percent of the average human life is spent here. Most Americans die with in 5 years after retirement. We were not created to sleep all day and lay around. When we do this we begin to die from the inside out.
In Hebrews 9:1-28
This story captures the fact that long ago we would go to this tabernacle form of church, We get a mental picture of what this church looked like as well as what was in it and how it functions. While in this church once a year we would repent for our sins and wrong doings then kill the animal we brought and offer that to God so that the Priest of God would then make an offering to God on our behalf.
This event bought us rightness for one more year so that we could only turn around and do it again next year hopefully with a shorter list of sins and wrong doings to admit. In a twisted way we were being cleansed yet constantly aware that we were not clean. The thought that I have right now as I am hearing this is when will this end, is this as good as it gets, when will we arrive? This is considered to the the old religious wineskin of connecting to God through rules, regulations, plans, while everything stems from what we can do for God in order to be right with Him so He will be pleased with us.
The tables have turned. Our day is here. Retirement has arrived! When Christ Jesus died on the cross with you on his heart he said it is finished, the veil that separated God from man in the Holiest Place was ripped in half by His own hand,  the temple church as we new it crumbled to the ground beyond repair. This was God's way of saying to us the old wineskin of religion, disconnectedness and being good enough for me based from what good works you can do is finished. Retirement is here so rest in the inheritance that I have saved back for you.
In Christ you have earned everything by doing nothing, He did it for us and gave it to us.

The Image Consultant

There are many times that image consultants are using in our life everyday. This professional field offers many specialized outlets in which you can get a degree. The core message that an image consultant tries to send to their target audience exceeds the professional arena and crosses into a very personal one. One that effects our core identity, belief systems and can even alter the way we choose life goals. The behavior that image consultants generate ideas from is actually part of our creative being which naturally seems to leak out of most all of us, some more than others. The overall message that the professional and personal arena has in common is to say, I AM GOOD and THIS WILL CHANGE ME AND MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. This image issue can have two power motivators.
  1. All of us live as an image consultant and image creator because you know who your are, whose you are, and what you were created by God to do in your lifespan. Only 10 percent of the population live on this level. You live out of your identity because you have discovered and are discovering who you are on the inside.
  2. You live in need of an image consultant because you have no image, no identity. You are constantly looking for ways to feel better about your life as well as a way to cover up your failures, faults, mistakes and tragedies. Most everything this person does in relation to image  is done so that they can feel better about their life. The broken you wants to not feel so broken. This makes up the other 90 percent of our population.
 Below are a few examples to broaden our perspective of image consultants, what they do and how their work manifest itself in everyday life.
  • Cooperate business in relation to the public eye because the are a public company on wall street.
  • Political speeches use them to determine the type of tie or suit they will wear during a presentation based on the type of speech they are giving.
  • Churches hire them to build and plan their building and ministries.
  • Women use doctors to help them not look older in order to hold to the air brush model mentality that we see in magazines and billboards.
  • TV advertising uses them in the designing of special sports events like the Superbowl commercials as we as general viewing.
  • Men use them to prepare for interviews and iron out resumes in order to get that dream job in the corner office.
  • Schools use them when they have problems with a faculty / staff member that is in trouble and it reaches the public eye.
  • Families use a similar practice when getting ready for church on Sunday mornings, they make themselves look right, act right, dress right so that the image of we are doing great can hold strong when in actuality many times nothing about them or their family is healthy or strong.
  • Military uses them in order to prepare teams to go on special missions.
  • Media uses this practice in the way they report news and crisis in order to boost ratings.
  • Business use this practice all the time from business cards to company logos.
  • Many of us have mastered what should be called iimage. Which can be seen from the type of iphone or ipad you use to the type of imessage you use or even on you social media personal page.
  • The common thread that malls use in order to scream at thousands of  humans everyday world wide without ever saying a word is IMAGE IS EVERYTHING, image consultants even have a way of making a plastic, faceless, lifeless model in the store window look good.
I see God as an image consultant in Genesis 1:26 -27 when He said,  "let us make man in our image and our likeness." He was acting as an image consultant while only consulting the Holy Trinity. He says let's make a human being who thinks for himself, desires creating things, and having power over all creation which WE have made for him. We can have fellowship with him and him with US in order to demonstrate OUR love in action.

He will be like us, think like us, create like us, love like us and make choices like us. He will move like us, talk like us and his heart will beat for creation like us since he was created from creation itself because I AM THE GREAT I AM.  He will have my DNA in him when I breath the breath of life in him, he will have MY energy in him, he will be a eternal living being with a complex soul. I desire to manifest my love to and in him, likewise we manifest his love to me by doing the same to other humans.

In my likeness I create Him to have dominion over all creation that I have made for his pleasure and enjoyment, this is why I told him to walk the earth and name creation and whatever he called it that is what it would be called. I want him to be happy and to have joy to the extent that when I saw that he was lonely I put him to sleep and took from his rib and fashioned a female version of him, Genesis 3:23. After I finished the first surgery in the history of mankind I brought my creation of woman created out of my original creation of man to the man. I gave you freedom to name her because I created you with power to create. Adam named her woman which means the opposite of man. 

They will learn to connect with each other and with me, They will have desire and passion for each other. They will be able to marry and have sex which will produce offspring, they will be able to create life like I created their life. They are like me, they are designed to create, reproduce and grow. Because they are different they will learn what love is as they grow together as one as WE  are one created out of love.

I give them the choice to choose to love me or not love me, to live for me or against me, to build and bless the world they live in or to curse and crack it more than it already is. I created them with the ability and freedom to choose life and death. I have created them which is YOU for freedom and life. I give you choices. My only desire is that you come to the point where your heart chooses to connect with me because you want to not because you feel like you have to, this is why I do not like religion.

Religion constantly grows in knowledge apart from personal encounters and experiences with me. I want to know you and for you to know me, I want us to experience each other to the point that we walk hand in hand and are unaware of your nakedness (weaknesses, failures, secrets, shame, regrets, and ect). I created you to have dominion and in order to have that you must have power. I am the source of power and all life because I AM THE GREAT I AM.

You think that knowledge is power but knowledge is in reality a higher level of awareness. Having a higher level of awareness apart from the power of life generated from love actually encourages you to be more self reliant and independent. This further separates us from each other which was what Satan has wanted since the beginning of time. When I leaned over your formless, lifeless, cold, dirty mass of dust and breathed my life, my breath into you it was so that we could be together and experience creation and life together.

When you opened your eyes and blinked them for the first time I was overjoyed, I took you by the hand and helped you up from the dusty pile of earth your were created from. I held your hand as we walked together, talked together and shared our lives together. This is why I created you. I desire connection because this is what love does, your were created out of love for the purpose of connection.

I did not desire to control you and this is why I would come and visit you in the cool of the day in the garden. This way you would have time to live your life in the garden I created for you, connect with mate and enjoy our connection in creation as your learned to create with me as well as apart from me. I created you for freedom, you have freedom to choose and with that freedom comes the personal responsibility to make good choices which bring life, this is why I told you to avoid the tree of knowleadge of good and evil.

I was not being mean or cruel by placing it there in the middle of the garden. I was not tempting you to do wrong or to separate yourself from me by trying to be god like I AM GOD. I created you for life and freedom, in that you have the ability to choose whatever you want. Your life is yours and you make the choices you desire and feel are right as well as necessary. Of all creation in the world which I made for your enjoyment I only gave you one instruction. Don't take of the fruit of that tree. That was it, one rule, one command, or one instruction whoever you look at it. I love you so much that I gave you the ability to choose anything you want and also told you ahead of time what not to choose so that you would have a choice.

If I told you that you had a choice but you did not have a choice then I would have been lieing to you by telling you that you had a choice when there were no other choices. That tree was your other choice, it was the other which provided you with the true awareness of personal accountability to live in the freedom I created you for.

This other half of creation is the consequence side or the tree of knowledge of good and evil. They can choose where they live, what they do, where they work, who they marry, how many children they will have and what they do with the gift of creativity which I have given them.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

What Color Are You Mixing

I remember early on in my marriage the day we bought our first house. I was so excited to assume control  of the manly part of the remodel which was not knocking down walls, but painting. This was not because I could not be trusted with a saw, hammer and nails but because the house was structurally sound. It was in perfect  shape, but we wanted to make it ours so we bought paint, more paint and even more paint. If I recall correctly paint provoked the first real disagreement that my wife and I had! I ended up painting and caulking for the next 100 hours and she ended up with a purple dinning room!

I remind you that we were early in our marriage and had no money and we were buying our first house? Yea, what were we thinking? As I said before,  we were young, maybe even senseless, never the less we were homeowners! Our first keys, our first house, our first real disagreement under out belt. I was ready for anything except what followed next.

Our bright idea was that we would go to a store (starts with a W and ends with T) and purchase the most inexpensive (not cheap, because that sounds cheap) but the most inexpensive paint we could find. It is amazing how good the store makes you feel about buying cheap paint. Your process begins by choosing from one of the million colors they have next you get to see them look your color up on the computer and find it then mix it and shake and then the final step is when they open it up and put a dab of your color on the top of the lid. They make you feel so good about paying for your deal of the century that you for get that you are holding the cheapest, thinnest, non reproducible color paint can known to man.

Call it what you want it was still cheap paint. I remember pouring it out of the bucket into the paint pan and it looked like 2% milk but I was proud because I saved money and I was young and did I mention senseless. There is an unseen motivation that stirs inside of us much like the can of paint that is the clamped into the  machine that shakes it. We constantly are selecting the colors of fear or love and mixing them into different projects that we do. Many times we do not like the project we just finished because the color was not correct. Fear always produces something that is off, it feels not right, it looks strange and many times awful. I had a room like this in our home.

It was in the master bed room. We selected a bright blue color to lighten the darker walls. I applied one, two and three coasts of my prized paint and after drying for a day I was pleased when the lights were on but if you raised open the mini blinds to allow natural sunlight to come in you could see the dark color everywhere under the bright blue paint. I was mad, frustrated, ashamed, and a little deflated yet hopeful knowing the more paint would fix it. So I marched back to my Wal-Mart and selected my color, my paint and watched him mix it then rushed home to pour my milky looking paint into the pan and then roll it onto the wall.

Problem solved, oh what a proud home owner I was. I was ready for my husband of the year award. My wife walked into the room and turned on the light, she was so pleased. I had done it, and by this time I was thinking of starting my own painting company. Several weeks later we had moved all our furniture into our room and opened the mini blinds. I could not believe what I saw! There were off blue patches over light blue patches everywhere. When I rolled the second color it was not mixed like the first color so now we had a two color blue room and one deflated homeowner.

Painting rooms out of fear is like this in our lives. Fear never gives us the outcome that we desire. It will look good at first and even feel good but it will not have longevity. It will reveal that you tried to cover something darker up, it will peel and flake over time. It will never be a prized room that you can invite people into while there is natural son light shining in it because the Son does one thing. Reveals the motives of our heart through the things we say and do.

Not to harm us, belittle us, condemn us, or judge us but to love us. For us to realize that we are loved and accepted just as we are with no strings attached. This is what a room of love looks like. 




















what i got